The Perimenopause Posse

Two women on a road trip, flying down the motorway.

When I asked my mother about her perimenopause experience, she claimed she "sailed through it with no problems." Yet I vividly remember her insomnia (which persists to this day), the flannel by her bed to absorb night sweats, and periods of melancholy that seemed to come from nowhere.

When I gently reminded her of these memories, something shifted in her expression. "Perhaps I didn't get through it so easily," she admitted slowly. "But no one ever told me what was happening. No one offered help. I just thought it was life."

My mother ran a business during this time. So her theory was that working at a manic pace masked her symptoms. She couldn't feel the upheaval because she never slowed down enough to notice it.

I reject this approach entirely. We deserve better than distraction as a coping mechanism.

Here are four strategies that have helped me navigate perimenopause as a businesswoman. They might help you too—and I hope you'll share your own approaches to strengthen our collective wisdom.

1. Your Experience Is Valid, dammit

Before you can advocate for yourself, you need to believe yourself. My wake-up call was ghosting stakeholders at an important meeting despite checking my calendar that morning. I worked straight through it as if it didn't exist.

The shame of that moment had me hiding in the bathroom hissing "what the hell is wrong with you?" For months, I told no one until I mentioned it to another executive who burst out laughing—with relief. "I thought I was losing my mind! Last week I reviewed my calendar at 8am and still sailed right past my 11am client call."

That moment transformed my perspective from personal failing to recognising perimenopause was rewiring my executive function. And I started to breathe again.

Start documenting the shifts—not for others, but for yourself:

• "Woke at 3AM drenched - 8th day in a row"

• "Forgotten two appointments this month. Never happened before"

• "Rage episode when the tube was 2 minutes late. Genuinely freaked myself out"

• "Blanked on facts I've known for years"

• "Found myself crying over an email that wouldn't have registered last year"

This evidence gathering helps reclaim your narrative when your body is writing one that makes you feel insane.

Then test what makes you feel better. Adjust like you did when you first got your period or had a child. The things I no longer negotiate:

• No wine unless I want ceiling-staring at 2am

• Strict weeknight bedtime (10.30pm)—because I'm not above circadian rhythms

• Decaf only—heart palpitations aren’t "just stress"

• Daily walking eases my joint pain more than supplements

• Heavy gym sessions twice weekly only. Any more and I feel inflamed not better

These have become quality of life shifts that work for me and help me feel awesome. You have to become your own primary advocate first—so boldly identify what's changing and make the adjustments that serve you, damn what the "just power through it" brigade thinks. Then share these discoveries with your posse. That's how collective wisdom grows.

2. Find Your Fierce Medical Advocate

You may have read about my experience being brushed off five times by my gynaecologist's front desk when I sought urgent medical care for my catastrophic symptoms. About finally sending a firmly worded email demanding attention after weeks of stonewalling.

In my face-to-face appointment last week, my gynaecologist didn't defend the system or minimise my frustration. She apologised. "You shouldn't have had to fight this hard," she said, writing down her personal mobile number. "If you encounter this resistance again, message me directly."

The sad reality is that you might need to interview several doctors before finding your medical advocate. Do it anyway.

Treat this the same way you would finding the right strategy partner or senior hire. You wouldn't settle for mediocrity in your finance director, so don't accept it from someone overseeing your hormonal health.

3. Build Your Midlife Tribe

Picture this: three women on a road trip, flying down the motorway at 130km/h. One has a sudden hot flash and winds down her window without explanation, making conversation impossible. Wind howling, hair flying everywhere. No one reacts. No eye rolls. No complaints. We simply waited, she closed the window when the flash subsided, and we continued talking. We just knew. No words needed.

This is perimenopause posse shorthand—the unspoken understanding that sometimes your body overrides social norms.

We need to build communities for this transition just as we do for others. Find people who support rather than question you, both at work and in your personal life. Look for friends, family members, and partners who validate your experience rather than dismiss it. Try to bring others along, but don't let their denial stop your journey if they refuse to acknowledge what's happening to you or them.

The greatest gift we give each other is validation. When a colleague mentions unusual anxiety before a presentation, don't just point to the stakes. Ask about her sleep patterns. Ask about other changes. Create space for these conversations in professional settings.

Cultivate relationships with people who:

• Treat bathroom breaks as normal, not interruptions

• Understand when sleep disruption requires schedule adjustments

• Share their own strategies for managing brain fog during important presentations

Our silence serves no one. When you find colleagues in the same waters, create deliberate opportunities to share intelligence.

4. Demand Better, Radically

Our mothers' generation suffered quietly. Their doctors told them "it will pass", while they endured relentless, scorching hot flashes and battled the creeping doubt that they were losing their minds. Their employers (and society) saw their symptoms only as weaknesses to be hidden.

We stand at a different threshold. We have science, language, and increasingly, each other. We have a motto of radical self-respect - your health as a non-negotiable part of your personal and business life, never a luxury to address 'when time permits'.

We don't apologise for our biology. We adopt workplace policies that acknowledge a transition that affects half the workforce.

Building your perimenopause posse serves both personal comfort and collective power. Together, we validate experiences when the world denies them, share solutions when doctors fail us, and create the community our mothers desperately needed but never had.

Find your people. Be relentlessly honest with each other. Every woman deserves support through this transition—it's too profound and too challenging to navigate alone. Your perimenopause posse will be your lifeline when the world tells you to simply endure. Don't wait to build yours.